i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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