Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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