I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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