Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
