I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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