Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
