Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
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im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
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I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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