he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
