If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
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