I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
