sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
