Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
