we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
