They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
