will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
