just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
