Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
God gave him joint rollers for hands
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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