does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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