One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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