I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize