i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
