This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
