i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
