Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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