Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
