Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
That accounts for only three of the penises
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
