you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
