you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Did I show you my penis last night?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
