I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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