he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
