My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
