i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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