I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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