we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
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