I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
