At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Randomize
