im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
