I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
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We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
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I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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