come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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