Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
