So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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