That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
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