she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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