I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
We're too hungover to prance.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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