Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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