if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
