Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
