I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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