I'm eating all of the evidence.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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