hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Couch. On fire.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
