What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
