Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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