Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
