Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
