getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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