my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
