yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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